When we’re in love, we feel like we can do anything and take on everything.We get all starry-eyed and everything’s perfect. But there’s a point in every relationship and even marriage when reality sets in and sometimes, just being in love is not enough anymore.
No one is perfect, so it follows that no marriage is perfect as well. All marriages get their own share of misunderstandings, problems, and even challenging times – and it’s up to the couple to work through it and come out on the other end a stronger and even better couple. Well, this is the ideal. But what if no matter how hard you try, you find yourself caught up in something that was good but is not that anymore? Do you still fight for it? Or do you walk away? While ending a marriage is a highly personal decision and no one can make that for you, we have to ask – what are the red flags that mean we have to reconsider our relationship?
- Emotional, mental, or physical abuse
Any form of abuse is never ok in any relationship. Marriage is a partnership, so if your partner makes you feel unwanted, unloved, or inadequate (or you’re not enough or doing enough for them or for the marriage), then that is emotional abuse. At the same time, physical abuse or harm is also a BIG NO in any relationship. No matter if it’s once, twice, or “it only happens during our big fights,” NOTHING can ever justify the need for hurting someone you “love.” A healthy marriage and relationship will never result in bruises from your partner, nor you questioning your own self-worth.
Along with any form of abuse, infidelity is also a huge red flag and should never be tolerated. Aside from the act going against the vows you swore to each other in front of your family and friends, a strong and healthy marriage requires complete faithfulness to each other. And do note that no matter his excuse, the act of cheating includes flirting with co-workers, confiding to someone of the opposite sex, talking negatively about your spouse, dressing or doing something to attract someone of the opposite sex besides your spouse, spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, and withholding sex as punishment.
A “vice” is any immoral conduct such as cheating, stealing, or lying. Does your partner break the law? Always remember that any lawsuit, run-in with the law, or bankruptcy will have lasting impacts on you and your family’s life. Vices can also include other acts such as drinking, gambling, drug addiction, and even extra-marital affairs.
- Partner neglect
It is quite understandable that children and career take top priority, but spouses or wives should not always come in last place. If you find yourself consistently in the last priority, or that even his own family always comes first before you, then perhaps it’s time to have that talk. A healthy relationship is one wherein both spouses ensure that their partner’s needs are being met and prioritized.
If your partner is always accusing you of cheating without any cause for suspicion, or if he’s always jealous of your friends or co-workers, then something is wrong. Both of you are two separate people who entered into the relationship or marriage, so maintaining friends and even relationships outside of it should also be no problem (as long as you’re not cheating yourself). A constantly jealous partner can be a driving wedge in any relationship. Staying in the relationship without addressing the jealousy problem can even result in emotional or mental abuse. He could pressure you to stop seeing your friends and you may even be pressured enough to do so. Such is not a healthy relationship and could result in anxiety and isolation. If you are experiencing any of these problems, don’t lose hope – but do try to get help ASAP. You can consider talking to a spiritual leader, a family member or friend, or even consider counseling so you can both take the necessary steps to save your marriage and build a healthier relationship. Because while a perfect marriage may be unattainable, you can always aspire to have a healthy marriage with your chosen life-partner.
*Originally published in momcenter.com.ph